Tymor family tree in twelve generations

Tymor ruins Team Fortress characters PT 2

Administrator

 

This cranky old lady issues order to both the RED and BLU team. She is hateful, uncaring and only cares for money and spreading conflict. Her company, TF industries, have made a lot of money from both RED, BLU and MANN CO and she has therefore made it her job to stall the conflict as long as possible. When a certain god-bunny arrives on the battlefield she pours all of her research into finding a way to kill a god…

 

Ms Pauling

The Administrators long-suffering secretary, and one of the few Team Fortress characters who have a proper name. Her job is to deal with the teams personally, and kill everyone that knows too much about what is going on behind the scenes. At present, though, she is somewhat preoccupied with watching videotapes of Tymor and Permeter, trying to find out a weakness.

 

Civilian

An old acquaintance of the Administrator, and expert paper pusher. He had hoped for a quit retirement, but has recently been roped into the whole RED VS BLU war after people have been randomly disappearing. His love for the Administrator is wholly recruited, but he follows her like a loyal puppy regardless.

 

Merasmus

An old magician that has recently been scouted by Ms Pauling to kill Tymor. Knowing quite a lot about eldritch business, he recognizes Tymor as the titan of death. This does not discourage him, however, as he has evaded death since thousands of years. His only weakness is that he does not know that many battle spells, but a few spell books all should be alright. Due to inconsistent writing, he lives both in a great castle on the Scottish moors, in the new Mexico desert and in apartment with one or both of the Soldiers.

Bombinomicon?

A book that Merasmus brought to learn more about bomb-spells, but it does nothing but mumble ominously and sprout blasphemies.

Saxton Hale

Some guy that sells weapons to the Administrator to give to the RED and BLU team. Think chuck Norris but even more unfunny. And Australian.

The Mann Brothers

The owners of RED and BLU team, fighting over their father’s inheritance. Even in death, they fought until they were both banished to hell last Halloween. There, they were punished by their father telling them how much he dislikes them, over and over. They also have a third brother who tries to take over the world with robots. Despite being over a hundred years old, the last brother has somehow managed to have reproduce.  

P.U.N and P.U.N.E

Two shadowy organizations that controls the entire world. The base of P.U.N is located in America and P.U.N.E somewhere in Russia. P.U.N controls the BLU team and organizes attacks, and P.U.N.E controls RED and organizes defense. Nobody knows the origin of these two organization, but mentions of the top members can be traced back to thousands of year, and Merasmus seems to be a former member…

(the acronyms stands for Properly united nations and properly unified national emergence, respectively)

Shrek

The only thing Tymor is said to fear.

A small amount of world-building, taken from the Super Power App

Article Number, 3906520140
Database 7545 (P.U.N.E)

All the titans have their manner of followers, Tymor has the rabbits and Remagín the lions (just to take two examples), so what about their mutual father Dust? He does indeed have his own people, his helpers in his kingdom of Tomake, but they are fallen and not at all as powerful as they once were. They are the Fans.

They were originally the men in Burnt Umber, sent all over the imagined realm to see to it that Dust´s stories were followed to the letter. They fell after a great war about reasons unknown (although it is called the schism by those of themselves that are till interested in such things).

After their fall, they were divided into Fanboys and Fangirls. The Fangirls believe in influencing the world through the love of the inhabitants, while the Fanboys desire balance over all things, even happiness. All wars must be equal, all conflicts solved through equal weaponry and stalemates.

That said, they are not above picking favorites, forgetting their own mission. The leader of the Fangirls is called Isthar of war and sex and the leader of the fanboys is called the Red Don, god of canon. They are all over the world, hidden and unable to reproduce. What if they remembered their purpose? What if the remembered what they truly are? In that case, the world would be given in to fate, the fate that Dust has decided with no chance to escape. Do we want to live in such a world? Hmm, maybe not.

Therefore, maybe we should be grateful that are imagination is not ruled by Dust the almighty, that we have free will and that our thoughts can wander as they please. Although not perfects, they are precious in themselves. Well, that is not a though that we must entertain right now... 

However, these creatures have left many powerful and reality-altering devices on many worlds throughout the cosmos. The most powerful of them are, in order, the plot-twister, the plot-holer, the plot coupon manufacturer, the plot derailer and the plot threader. Some of the Fanboys are openly hostile and hateful to humans and other sentient beings, like the witch known as Sue.

What these creatures achieved when they were still known as The Men In Burnt Umber is unknown, and some of these things may remain somewhere... not their weapons listed above, but great cities and libraries housing even bigger secrets!!! Just thing about that, all that ancient secrets…

The fall of the old civilizations and tribes, the first intelligent one in the world, mind you into Fanboys and Fangirls...what brought it on? Nothing short of a calamity such as the world had ever seen, nor will be seen again!

EDIT: Most of these beings are shattered all over the Worlds, with most of the Fangirls living in the great labyrinth near the warp-zone to Foxstar. The males are known to inhabit the Airlands of Vetro, specifically the lower depths of the great library of red magic. Only two are known to inhabit Earth, and are simply known as Fangirl and Fanboy. Fanboy works as a double agent for both P.U.N and P.U.N.E, and sees to it that their conflict can never be won or ended. Fangirl lives her life in America as a lowly criminal.

Subject: RE: An article about the remains of The Men In Burnt Umber
Date: Sun, 27 Apr N-1968 12:03:01 +0200

Ludwig Hog, historian (archived)

First part of the Tymor family tree

Super Power App Collection (Januari 2014)

This is the collected posts from the Super Power App for Januari 2014, for those that missed it. Go to www.tymorthetrickster.com to download it and never miss a post of this exciting story again!

Well, it is a little early, but we here at Super Power e-zine wish to give all you bastards out there a hearty HAPPY NEW YEAR!! We also want to give a warm welcome to our two newest employees, Reynald Wolfé (cartoonist) and Hermeline Thompson (photographer)! Well, off to get drunk I guess...

James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Today, in a surprise move, The World Church has announced that a character from rabbit legend; Diftera the wight/witch-lady of the underworld, will be added as a saint in the church records. According to legend, Diftera helps dead souls reach the first pylon of Tymor, the rabbit god, specifically those souls that have been lost on their way to the afterlife. The World Church does not often add figures from rabbit fable but this is a very welcome exception. The reason for this is mostly because every discovered planet must have a saint according to the church, and the recently discovered planet of Foxstar does not yet have one. More news on this recently discovered planet as it happens!

-Angela Hawkins, news editor

This year we will be doing several features on so called super-heroes. Are they upstanding citizens taking their skills and blessings to the street to help the needy, or dangerous vigilantes who endanger the very law we build our society on? Should the government keep track of them, should they be arrested? This and more we shall discuss in this years edition of the Super Power e-zine.

-Billy Kurt Pilgrim, essayist

Today we shall review a new game, the review copy most kindly sent to us by the creepy old man living down the road (although he seemed to have moved quite recently, along with his entire store. And the street itself). In any case, it seems to be a hitherto unseen part of the MonkeyWall series, titled MFEEBLE (the other two parts in the series being MBRAVERY and MJOURNEY). The developer seems to be aiming for something new, because the graphics are no longer pixelated, but hyper-realistically gory. A known problem with this first version of this game is that it makes the console squirt blood. But it is still a very good game, so good in fact that I have had several dreams about the protagonist, TED (spelled Ted in the other two games). Hopefully the developers can iron out the bugs, the glitches which extend out into reality and the general mind-numbing misery of this release in a future patch. Still really addictive gameplay, though!

-Timothy Hopkins Reviewer

 The latest news of America in the neo sixties, only from Super Power e-zine, the only magazine to bring you the relevant news of today and interpret them in a way so that you can make your own conclusion about what goes on in the big wide world out there! Le us start:

Killscreen writes several articles about how great superheroes re, because most of the staff has super powers. Are vigilantes really the way to go? Only Super Power tells you the truth, so do not read Killscreen magazine!

The planet of Foxstar seems to be covered mainly in ice, but scientists have discovered a plateau with temperate climate to the north. More as it happens, folks! Let us explore this unknown planet together!!

Research from P.U.N (properly united nations) have discovered a new weapon against the forces of P.U.N.E (proper unified national emergence). Will this new weapon bring about magically assured destruction?

P.U.N has collected a bunch of mad scientists, known as the NOVA seven, to protect our nation against P.U.N. Is this for good or for ill? Only time will know...

A new Chinese restaurant, The Left Hand, has been opened on East Street. The food is very good and Super Power heartily recommends it! It has a rather nice atmosphere from Chinese legends and mysticism.

We here at Super Power want to say congratulations to all the new doctorates at the society of marginally human and hope them all the best in their research. We here at Super Power especially want to congratulate Takeshi Yamashita, who works with us and doctorate in werewolf and energy research!

A new carnival has been opened in the Free islands of the Caribbean, named the carnival of Sven the Viking. It is located near the city of Ivanotopia, belonging to the scientist Dr Vincent Wolf. We at Super Power have not been able to go there yet, but we want you, our readers, to keep your eyes open.

James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Today our two newest employees, Reynald and Hermeline will show us what they got with the first of our great mid-month round-up of reviews and news. Show us what you got, you bastards!

- James Reginald Svensson, Editor

A new exhibit on honor and grief has been set up in the main experimental tower expo hall in the middle of the city. The exhibit is called "BLUE" and we find it very fascinating, although also very scary and icky. The biggest piece is by the famous artist Francesco Spam and shows a wizard swallowing a planet made out of meat.

The Eurasian region of Knez has given up their former system of monarchy in order to become a republic. The last king was assassinated by the minor lords of the country and since then many families have warred for power. After numerous long and hard years of social reforms, we wish the werewolves of Knez a hopefully bright future. Knez has also joined P.U.N.E, which will bring work to the country, although it will make the country an enemy of America!

Here is the new official Super Power song of the year:

At Super Power

Time and space is twisted

To the point of ridiculousness

To the point of awesome

What you see

Is what you get

When everything happens

For no apparent reason

If you ever enters

That magical place

Be prepared to stay

For quite a long time

But come and meet us

What we can offer

Are things you have never seen

Twisting dimension

Cartoony feelings

But much more adult

So bad, it’s good

Now you are playing with power

Super Power is the best!

The Svensson show has recently started its 1967:th season, with new actors. At this point the show has turned everyone into hateful psychopaths who behave nothing like they did originally, so there is really no reason to see it. Oh well, it elicits a few giggled here and there we guess...

Your earliest memory! To get to know the people of Super Power a little better, we have asked everyone about their earliest memory in a sentence or less.

James-Someone shouting. Now go away!

Billy-I do not remember.

Takeshi-Me starting to walk.

Angela-I remember being uncomfortable because it was so hot.

Scrivens-My father reading a scary story to me.

Timothy-My mother singing as I went to sleep.

Hermeline-My parents laughing about something.

Reynald-A tower of stone upon a plain of snow, music coming down from the sky.

Interview with a hero! We have managed to get an exclusive interview with the jumping hero known simply as The March Hare, famous from the dynamo duo of The Hare and The Hatter. He tells us that the government, P.U.N in particular always tried to hire superheroes for the war and it is a choice between serving them or the people, and at least the Hare has chosen the people. As you all probably know, heroes may be outlawed and stripped of their power later this year if the P.U.N registration act goes through.

Scientists who have studied the planet of Foxstar are planning to send a manned probe with the newly developed teleportation technology in order to check it out. We here at Super Power is eager to know what they find! All we know so far is that the planet is mostly covered in snow but also has a few places that can theoretically support life.

Lastly, folklore! Blue magic is said to have been discovered by a perpetually sad magician living in a snowball. By doing good deeds, people were able to share happiness with him. In return he gave them blue magic which can reuse feelings and skills of others. A new statue showing all this will be built in the town center, to be finished on the feast of fools this year (April 1).

That is all-phew!

Reynald Wolfé and Hermeline Thompson, foxy reporters at Super Power e-zine. 

 I realize that not all of you have been with us from the beginning, so in this issue we shall introduce our staff a little more, but first the news. Scientists have discovered strange explosions and a mysterious gas leaking out from the tallest mountain of Foxstar. What can this mean? A natural phenomenon of some sort? People observing this fog has reported that zooming in hurts your eyes, so studying it is quite hard at the moment.

A new space program has been created by the Oklahoma experimental institute and will be financed by P.U.N. So P.U.N.E won the race to the moon and Mars, but we will be the first ones to leave the galaxy! It is estimated that this project will cost roughly five multiplujillion, nine impossibidillion, seven fantasticatrillion dollars and sixteen cents.

Today we have an interview with another hero called Boogie. His superpower is making the body parts of himself and sometimes others grow if they are easily affected by the supernatural. Boogie is not interested in helping people or the nation, but rather to get laid and record porn.

To new big business have opened up headquarters in fair Oklahoma, namely Swedish LÄMNALYCKANÅTHIMMELEN (or just lämnalyckan) and ISENGRIM cars. Sigvard Magnusson, the ever smiling developer of many games at lämnalyckan hopes that next year’s game expo will bring lot of fun to everybody, NEW Walrus bros 64 ds advance new DCL gold limited edition DC 11 and new waggle tech. ISENGRIM sells used cars real cheap and also wants to hire a general handyman to repair the sign over the car park.

Today's staff introductions are James the editor and Timothy the retriever. They could not be more different, although both of them dress very weird. James is an Elvis-impersonator, Timothy a Goth James is always shouting to get things done on time; Timothy is always laughing and sending his stuff in at the last minute. Both are part of a healthy staff, I think...Creativity mixed with just the right amounts of rules and all that. Anyway, they are still great friends and always goes out for drinks when the deadline is successfully met. James is a swede, while Timothy is a native American. What more can I tell you? Well, let us just say that their garage band Fetus Creature is on the upside now that they, or should I say we, have a new keyboardist! We will introduce him quite soon.

Captain Pancakes Marching Band Of Love is that great band of our time that have revolutionized music and created "Beetlemania" the world over. We are going to interview on of them, but who? Use the contact button on the Super Power app to vote for Johnny Legend (the witty one), Pablo McKenzie (the cute one), Harry Geoffnet (the quiet one) or Richard "Dingo" Car (the funny one).

Recently opened up near the carnival of Sven, which we covered a few issues back, is the museum of Sven. Learn more about the fabled Viking and some Scandinavian history in anticipation of the new movie about Sven which will be coming out this summer. A real block-buster if I ever saw one (I hope).

That is all for today. I hope you enjoyed the last issue by our new co-workers, the next issue will be the best one yet, I promise you!

-Angela Hawkins, art editor  

   Well, today something weird happened. A strange shipped crashed into our office, revealing an alien wolf! His name was Fred, and he told us that Reynald was actually the heir to a royal family beyond the stars, imagine that! An evil wizard had taken over Reynald´s home planet and the resistance had send Fred to get the heir back home. We who were at the office at the time, me, Hermeline and James decided to follow and write an article about this. Well, actually only me and James were supposed to be here today, but Reynald and Hermeline decided to take an empty room and I kinda ran in on them...yeah, you know. Hopefully we will be back at lunchtime...I´ll leave a note for the others, in any case. Strange, isn´t it? Just when so many rockets are shot into the sky, we are going as well to the adventure of a lifetime!! Wish us luck, everybody down there on Earth. We are off into the final frontier, dontcha know?

-Timothy Hopkins, Reviewer

Timothy, stop it! Look, people, this is just to weird for me to comprehend, but it will probably make a good story, so I say let´s do it! Come on, people, we have a planet to save and articles to write!

-James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Rocketships with permission to go into space today:

1 Our own expedition to Foxstar

2 Captain Pancakes Marching Band Of Love, in order to film their movie "The tedious tragedy tour"

3 An experiment in spacefog, shoot people into a space anomoly and see if they develop superpowers. Has worked before.

Wait, what is that fourth one on the radar, leaving Oklahoma City at high speed? Stop it at once!!

-Edom Xavier Position, head of the experimental institute of America

Launch the rockets, all at the same spot! Off to Foxstar, off to Foxstar, pack my bags!! Ahahahhahohohohoooooooooooo....Ignore those down below, and let us go.

-Dr Vincent Ivan Wolf

Crap.

When I said we would be back tomorrow, I was a tad optimistic. Turns out there are about 9000 light-years to Foxstar! That is 85149000000000000 KM! We better find some way to write some articles while helping our co-worker secure the throne. Work comes before fun, after all!

Well, at least we should be able to get firsthand information on what Foxstar is like. Fred (the alien wolf dragging us on this trip) tells us that while it is indeed covered mostly with snow, there are mountains sticking up over the clouds on which people live. The planet has a great music industry and is known to a great deal of planets in the universe.

As such, I have reviewed the big book of quotes found on this ship and found it to be excellent, although most of the quoted people aren´t actually from Earth...

-James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Today, as it is religion tolerance day, we shall discuss the belief of The World Church. Our highest god is called TheIam, and she is the sum of human imagination. Her son Dust created the world, all stories and the titans, which the church worships. The three most important ones are Ray, Tanas and Tymor, the superego, id and ego of all souls, so to speak. James left a note saying they have gone off to space, how weird. Well, anyway. I am already late for the showing of the rocket launch on television. Please do not miss it and bless you for reading Super Power e-zine, my dearest friend.

-Billy Kurt Pilgrim, essayist

Gentlemen. Everything is going perfetly in the ship. I thank you once again for giving me this opportunity to serve my country. We are heading for the space anomaly now...readings are within tolerance. Wait...Something has gone terribly wrong. Dr Wolf has gone ballistic and is trying to take over the ship. I will evacuate everybody to the safe room and try to restrict this rogue element and discipline him, as per protocol!

Theodore Lestrade Wilson, guard

Very good, Theodore. I knew it was great to place you as guard on this ship, although you had no formal training. Dr Wolf must be stopped at once! I have contacted his colleague Stranglelove which will follow with his own ship and bring all of you back to Earth. The project will be delayed indefinitely.

-Edom Xavier Position, head of experimental institute

Can´t get me, you fat otter!

-Dr Vincent Ivan Wolf

When will this story actually be about me?

;(

-Reynald Wolfé, prince of Foxstar

A scientific breakthrough! New species discovered! Brave adventurers discovers strange alien beings in space! A galaxy full of monsters have been found and entered today by a lone spce probe...us. Yikes. We have to go through here to reach Foxstar, apparently. Hopefully we will not be eaten by anything big, scaly and smiling. There monsters seem to live on planets very near to a cluster of black holes circling a white one. Ugh, I feel unscientific just writing that, but there you go. Ibetter take some pictures so the scientific community won´t laugh at me when and if we get back alive.

-Hermeline Thompson

I HATE scary monsters!

-Reynald Wolfé

Well, it has finally come to fisticuffs. Dingo is trying to calm down Pablo and Johnny, who are once again fighting. Johnny is trying to strangle Pablo but he averted the attack by exposing Johnny to a particularly ugly vest he was wearing. Pablo, on the other hand, is trying to show Dingo´s drumsticks down Johnny’s throat, but Johnny just flew away and mocked Pablo for not having wings. They will probably kill each other one day and then we secretly have to replace them. My guitar gently weeps for these guys...I Think Pablo agrees that this trip was a mistake, but we have to get out of our contract to make three films as easily as possible. Maybe a documentary?

-Harry Geoffnet, Beetle

Yay, it’s a party! Fred opened a secret door and showed us some of the Foxstar light, and it made us dance and boogie like crazy. Imagine that I am the heir to that place! When we save the planet, I must bring some of this light back to Earth!

-Reynald Wolfé, cartoonist

Well, I have only been able to take over half of the ship, but it should be enough (that guard otter was much more skilled than I could ever anticipate, thought he was just a regular policeman). I shall dislodge this part of the ship and go on my merry way. With my loyal werewolf soldiers the magic of Foxstar will be mine! Then I shall show that upstart Stranglelove who is the best mad scientist…

-Dr Vincent Ivan Wolf

Our photographer has been diligently working to take photos of this new galaxy and its monsters and planets which we must pass to get to Foxstar, and they will be published shortly. In the meantime, you just have to do with my descriptions. I do not usually work in this “e-zine” business but the angry boss of his majesty, the crown prince of Foxstar demands that I help out. In any case, I do feel that I am the one that knows these monsters the best, having passed it once already! Well, that time I was in a hyper-sleep with a force field around the ship which has now been used up for energy-saving and dramatic purposes. In any case, let´s just start the analysis! On the mysterious light-eating planet you can see on picture A8 (well, you cannot see it since it reflects no light) there lives a fierce creature known as the great vacuum snake. This fierce creature regularly scoops up people from the planet of the white eye, the only planet with intelligent life in this galaxy. In picture 66N you can (actually) see a great planet with a curved hole in it. In that hole lands meteor from a the white hole in the middle of the galaxy and it provides nourishment for the monsters living in this galaxy. Finally, on picture EX667 we have the planet where Glass Rains Sideways at 4,000 mph (that is a real planet, by the way!).

-Fred, Foxstar denizen

Well, Takeshi helped me, Scrivens and Angie sneak aboard that P.U.N ship in order to save the rest of the e-zine. If the great Dust, teller and listener of all stories, wills it we will save our friends and get back in time for lunch tomorrow. Actually, the ship blasted off a few days ago, but since we are unaccustomed to leaving the atmosphere we sort of fainted. Seems like the ship has been taken over by some mad scientist type (as they do). Well, half of it anyway…

-Billy Kurt Pilgrim, writer and priest    

Tymor ruins Team Fortress 2 (character introductions)

This is Tymor, the god of the rabbit people and the main character of the website Tymor the trickster. When writing about Tymor, it is the custom of the rabbits to use both male and female pronouns to describe their deity. Also known as The Silvercrowned One Tymor is the lord of the underworld and responsible for getting souls to paradise and avoid the dangers of hell and the demons therein. Tymor is a benevolent god, although one with a twisted sense of humor, taking out a ruthless revange on the enemies of the rabbit people. Tymor wears eyes on his hands, since Tymor ran away before her father could finish modeling Tymor out of clay. Hanging out with a group of devils in his youth, it was not until Tymor recieved eyes from Ray the fox god she could create the rabbit people and dig a tunnel to the underworld, taking it over from the demons. Tymor is playful and restless, always on the move and exploring the cosmos, bringing change both good and bad to one and all. While taking part in a race, Tymor met... 

 

...Permeter The Windcrowned. Permeter is a huldra from western Scandinavia and the daughter of the god king Remagín and the Moon. Tymor and Permeter eventually married and she became the spirit of spring, also responsible for waking up the souls of the newly deceased. Before moving to live with Tymor, she ruled over the Woods Of Light, a great crossroads between all forests and a haven for its people and trolls. This place she still visits during the summer. Like Tymor she is jolly and playful but also have a darker side against those that do not show her the proper respect. Her greatest interest is insects. it is said that her eyes contains a secret of Life and Death...

 

Tymor and Permeter models for Garry´s Mod

 

 

The RED spy is a world-weary criminal who does the most dangerous work on the team, mostly because it is the only thing he is good at. As a result, he is a pretty heavy drinker. He hates that show-off spy on the other team, who is an actual spy and gets all the ladies and top-notch equipment from Spytech. Actually, he hopes to get off this line of work and return to his true dream; being a full time bum.

 

The BLU Demoman is a somewhat kindly, rambling drunk that really wishes everybody just could be friends. That said, he has no problem blowing people up for money; gotta fuel that alcohol addiction somehow! He is the only one on both team not being that disturbed by a giant Death-Bunny appearing in the midst of battle. It is probably just a hallucination, anyway. He claims to be Scottish, but seems a little bit too hatless for that...

 

The BLU Enginner has come up with a fantastic plan to fool the RED team; paint all of his buildings red. The downside to this plan is that he can´t tell which Buildings are his, often repairing enemy dispensers and running straight into RED team sentries, thinking they are his own. But still, with the respawn everything seem to be working out just fine. 

This giant of a man hails from Russia and works as a Heavy Weapons Guy for the RED team. He may seem slow, but is actually quite intelligent although he WILL kill you if you make him mad or take his food. He also refuses to learn capitalism worker-unfriendly western speak! It is rumoured that in his own language he is quite eloquent. He doesn´t really like the RED Medic and his methods, nor that creepy RED Engineer. 

Gotta go fast!

Huddah huddahu huh! Hmmfgh hmmf huuuuuuuuuuuuu himma hum hum he hum he. Ifd you hmm a huh ye hu the hum? Huff huff he huff! Hamma HUH

 

Etc

 

A somewhat fretful doctor who got his license in Germany during the second world war. Certain circumstances in the country forced him to leave the country as soon as possible. He moved to America, found work on the BLU team, and the rest is history. Little did he know, however, that his past would find him even in the Badlands...

Favorite person: Oskar Shindler 

This perverted person managed to sneak into the BLU team, posing as a Sniper. His only real goal in Life, however, is to urinate on people, store his own pee in jars and shoot piss out of water squit guns. Yeah, he is pretty weird. He also has a magical knife that kills everybody that is fully drenched in his bodily fluids. No wonder the RED spy is so world-weary. This Sniper also makes sure to taunt after every kill he makes.

A man with no military training from the American Midwest. Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War 2, he was much to young at the time and thus rejected by every branch of the military. Undaunted, he taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons in order to fight in the great Gravel War of the Badlands. Do not ever call him crazy. Or a civilian. or present him to a ghost or a wizard. Never ever touch his skin!

Here follows all the information we could find about the mysterious BLU spy (resulting in 8 dead people and about four of them not being found):

Name: [DATA REDACTED]

Age: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Occupation: Spy (BLU team)

Salary:[DATA CLASSIFIED]

Hobbies: Sleeping with your mother

 



This somewhat violent Scottish drunk hails from Ullapool and the famous Degroot clan, which have been demolition-men for centuries (however that works). In any case, he brings a mean bottle of scrumpy when he is drunk, explosions when he is sober and a lot of British swears at all times! Since comin to the Badlands he has probably been responsible for the most deaths and destruction, but also killed himself the most times with his own bombs, so it adds up.

At first glance this seems to be pretty much a mirror of the BLU Pyro, but the mask of this person is much more expressive. Who could move a rubber mask like that, and what could it mean? Who is really underneath? All we know is that it enjoys fire, tacky hats and making people happy. And dead. Pretty much the same as the BLU Pyro then, only red. RED Pyro is somewhat pissed off that the Meet The Pyro film is so short.

A somewhat crazed doctor who got his license in Germany during the second world war. Certain circumstances after the war ended forced him to leave the country as soon as possible. He moved to America, found work on the RED team, and the rest is history. Little did he know, however, that his past would find him even in the Badlands...

Favorite person: Otto Skorzeny

Giant BLU Heavy Russian men

He steals the Spy´s game hen

And then he eats it with Cayenne

He cannot write with any pen

His shifts starts at half past ten

Come on and see him bogling

*BZZT*01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01000101 01101110 01100111 01101001 01101110 01100101 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010010 01000101 01000100 00100000 01110100 01100101 01100001 01101101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01100011 01110100 01110101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100101 01101110 01110100 00100000 01100010 01111001 00100000 01000111 01110010 01100101 01111001 00100000 01001101 01100001 01101110 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01110100 01110010 01101111 01111001 00100000 01100010 01101111 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110100 01100101 01100001 01101101 01110011 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100101 01100001 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01000010 01100001 01100100 01101100 01100001 01101110 01100100 01110011 00100000 01110011 01110101 01110000 01110000 01101100 01111001 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01000001 01110101 01110011 01110100 01110010 01100001 01101100 01101001 01110101 01101101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110101 01110000 01110000 01101111 01110010 01110100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100101 01110100 01100101 01110010 01101110 01100001 01101100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00101101 01101101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100101 00101110 00100000 01001001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 011000010 010110100 01110100 00100000 01110011 01110000 01101111 01101001 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110111 01100010 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100001*BZZT*

The professional Sniper on the RED team is a real pro. He only headshots, uses the razorback in comp and always gets kritz on his kukri. He often tries to go pubstomping, but since all public servers always already have 4-5 snipers and he really cannot/is not willing to play anything else he is just another burden to the team. He hates to be confused with that crude BLU Sniper, but to be fair, they do look kind of similiar.

This is one crAAAAAAzy Soldier

He will eat YOU

>:D

This streetwise kid is the oldest brother of the BLU Scout and also the favorite son of their mother. While he doesn´t really appreciate that the BLU Spy is sleeping with his mother, he does recognize and respect the fact that she has been very lonely since his father disappeared. RED Scout sees himself as something of a team leader, and he fits the role well.

 

Scratch that, this is probably the most immature person alive.