torsdag 30 januari 2014

Super Power App Collection (Januari 2014)

This is the collected posts from the Super Power App for Januari 2014, for those that missed it. Go to to download it and never miss a post of this exciting story again!

Well, it is a little early, but we here at Super Power e-zine wish to give all you bastards out there a hearty HAPPY NEW YEAR!! We also want to give a warm welcome to our two newest employees, Reynald Wolfé (cartoonist) and Hermeline Thompson (photographer)! Well, off to get drunk I guess...

James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Today, in a surprise move, The World Church has announced that a character from rabbit legend; Diftera the wight/witch-lady of the underworld, will be added as a saint in the church records. According to legend, Diftera helps dead souls reach the first pylon of Tymor, the rabbit god, specifically those souls that have been lost on their way to the afterlife. The World Church does not often add figures from rabbit fable but this is a very welcome exception. The reason for this is mostly because every discovered planet must have a saint according to the church, and the recently discovered planet of Foxstar does not yet have one. More news on this recently discovered planet as it happens!

-Angela Hawkins, news editor

This year we will be doing several features on so called super-heroes. Are they upstanding citizens taking their skills and blessings to the street to help the needy, or dangerous vigilantes who endanger the very law we build our society on? Should the government keep track of them, should they be arrested? This and more we shall discuss in this years edition of the Super Power e-zine.

-Billy Kurt Pilgrim, essayist

Today we shall review a new game, the review copy most kindly sent to us by the creepy old man living down the road (although he seemed to have moved quite recently, along with his entire store. And the street itself). In any case, it seems to be a hitherto unseen part of the MonkeyWall series, titled MFEEBLE (the other two parts in the series being MBRAVERY and MJOURNEY). The developer seems to be aiming for something new, because the graphics are no longer pixelated, but hyper-realistically gory. A known problem with this first version of this game is that it makes the console squirt blood. But it is still a very good game, so good in fact that I have had several dreams about the protagonist, TED (spelled Ted in the other two games). Hopefully the developers can iron out the bugs, the glitches which extend out into reality and the general mind-numbing misery of this release in a future patch. Still really addictive gameplay, though!

-Timothy Hopkins Reviewer

 The latest news of America in the neo sixties, only from Super Power e-zine, the only magazine to bring you the relevant news of today and interpret them in a way so that you can make your own conclusion about what goes on in the big wide world out there! Le us start:

Killscreen writes several articles about how great superheroes re, because most of the staff has super powers. Are vigilantes really the way to go? Only Super Power tells you the truth, so do not read Killscreen magazine!

The planet of Foxstar seems to be covered mainly in ice, but scientists have discovered a plateau with temperate climate to the north. More as it happens, folks! Let us explore this unknown planet together!!

Research from P.U.N (properly united nations) have discovered a new weapon against the forces of P.U.N.E (proper unified national emergence). Will this new weapon bring about magically assured destruction?

P.U.N has collected a bunch of mad scientists, known as the NOVA seven, to protect our nation against P.U.N. Is this for good or for ill? Only time will know...

A new Chinese restaurant, The Left Hand, has been opened on East Street. The food is very good and Super Power heartily recommends it! It has a rather nice atmosphere from Chinese legends and mysticism.

We here at Super Power want to say congratulations to all the new doctorates at the society of marginally human and hope them all the best in their research. We here at Super Power especially want to congratulate Takeshi Yamashita, who works with us and doctorate in werewolf and energy research!

A new carnival has been opened in the Free islands of the Caribbean, named the carnival of Sven the Viking. It is located near the city of Ivanotopia, belonging to the scientist Dr Vincent Wolf. We at Super Power have not been able to go there yet, but we want you, our readers, to keep your eyes open.

James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Today our two newest employees, Reynald and Hermeline will show us what they got with the first of our great mid-month round-up of reviews and news. Show us what you got, you bastards!

- James Reginald Svensson, Editor

A new exhibit on honor and grief has been set up in the main experimental tower expo hall in the middle of the city. The exhibit is called "BLUE" and we find it very fascinating, although also very scary and icky. The biggest piece is by the famous artist Francesco Spam and shows a wizard swallowing a planet made out of meat.

The Eurasian region of Knez has given up their former system of monarchy in order to become a republic. The last king was assassinated by the minor lords of the country and since then many families have warred for power. After numerous long and hard years of social reforms, we wish the werewolves of Knez a hopefully bright future. Knez has also joined P.U.N.E, which will bring work to the country, although it will make the country an enemy of America!

Here is the new official Super Power song of the year:

At Super Power
Time and space is twisted
To the point of ridiculousness
To the point of awesome
What you see
Is what you get
When everything happens
For no apparent reason
If you ever enters
That magical place
Be prepared to stay
For quite a long time
But come and meet us

What we can offer
Are things you have never seen
Twisting dimension
Cartoony feelings
But much more adult
So bad, it’s good
Now you are playing with power
Super Power is the best!

The Svensson show has recently started its 1967:th season, with new actors. At this point the show has turned everyone into hateful psychopaths who behave nothing like they did originally, so there is really no reason to see it. Oh well, it elicits a few giggled here and there we guess...

Your earliest memory! To get to know the people of Super Power a little better, we have asked everyone about their earliest memory in a sentence or less.

James-Someone shouting. Now go away!
Billy-I do not remember.
Takeshi-Me starting to walk.
Angela-I remember being uncomfortable because it was so hot.
Scrivens-My father reading a scary story to me.
Timothy-My mother singing as I went to sleep.
Hermeline-My parents laughing about something.
Reynald-A tower of stone upon a plain of snow, music coming down from the sky.

Interview with a hero! We have managed to get an exclusive interview with the jumping hero known simply as The March Hare, famous from the dynamo duo of The Hare and The Hatter. He tells us that the government, P.U.N in particular always tried to hire superheroes for the war and it is a choice between serving them or the people, and at least the Hare has chosen the people. As you all probably know, heroes may be outlawed and stripped of their power later this year if the P.U.N registration act goes through.

Scientists who have studied the planet of Foxstar are planning to send a manned probe with the newly developed teleportation technology in order to check it out. We here at Super Power is eager to know what they find! All we know so far is that the planet is mostly covered in snow but also has a few places that can theoretically support life.

Lastly, folklore! Blue magic is said to have been discovered by a perpetually sad magician living in a snowball. By doing good deeds, people were able to share happiness with him. In return he gave them blue magic which can reuse feelings and skills of others. A new statue showing all this will be built in the town center, to be finished on the feast of fools this year (April 1).

That is all-phew!

Reynald Wolfé and Hermeline Thompson, foxy reporters at Super Power e-zine. 

 I realize that not all of you have been with us from the beginning, so in this issue we shall introduce our staff a little more, but first the news. Scientists have discovered strange explosions and a mysterious gas leaking out from the tallest mountain of Foxstar. What can this mean? A natural phenomenon of some sort? People observing this fog has reported that zooming in hurts your eyes, so studying it is quite hard at the moment.

A new space program has been created by the Oklahoma experimental institute and will be financed by P.U.N. So P.U.N.E won the race to the moon and Mars, but we will be the first ones to leave the galaxy! It is estimated that this project will cost roughly five multiplujillion, nine impossibidillion, seven fantasticatrillion dollars and sixteen cents.

Today we have an interview with another hero called Boogie. His superpower is making the body parts of himself and sometimes others grow if they are easily affected by the supernatural. Boogie is not interested in helping people or the nation, but rather to get laid and record porn.

To new big business have opened up headquarters in fair Oklahoma, namely Swedish LÄMNALYCKANÅTHIMMELEN (or just lämnalyckan) and ISENGRIM cars. Sigvard Magnusson, the ever smiling developer of many games at lämnalyckan hopes that next year’s game expo will bring lot of fun to everybody, NEW Walrus bros 64 ds advance new DCL gold limited edition DC 11 and new waggle tech. ISENGRIM sells used cars real cheap and also wants to hire a general handyman to repair the sign over the car park.

Today's staff introductions are James the editor and Timothy the retriever. They could not be more different, although both of them dress very weird. James is an Elvis-impersonator, Timothy a Goth James is always shouting to get things done on time; Timothy is always laughing and sending his stuff in at the last minute. Both are part of a healthy staff, I think...Creativity mixed with just the right amounts of rules and all that. Anyway, they are still great friends and always goes out for drinks when the deadline is successfully met. James is a swede, while Timothy is a native American. What more can I tell you? Well, let us just say that their garage band Fetus Creature is on the upside now that they, or should I say we, have a new keyboardist! We will introduce him quite soon.

Captain Pancakes Marching Band Of Love is that great band of our time that have revolutionized music and created "Beetlemania" the world over. We are going to interview on of them, but who? Use the contact button on the Super Power app to vote for Johnny Legend (the witty one), Pablo McKenzie (the cute one), Harry Geoffnet (the quiet one) or Richard "Dingo" Car (the funny one).

Recently opened up near the carnival of Sven, which we covered a few issues back, is the museum of Sven. Learn more about the fabled Viking and some Scandinavian history in anticipation of the new movie about Sven which will be coming out this summer. A real block-buster if I ever saw one (I hope).

That is all for today. I hope you enjoyed the last issue by our new co-workers, the next issue will be the best one yet, I promise you!
-Angela Hawkins, art editor  

   Well, today something weird happened. A strange shipped crashed into our office, revealing an alien wolf! His name was Fred, and he told us that Reynald was actually the heir to a royal family beyond the stars, imagine that! An evil wizard had taken over Reynald´s home planet and the resistance had send Fred to get the heir back home. We who were at the office at the time, me, Hermeline and James decided to follow and write an article about this. Well, actually only me and James were supposed to be here today, but Reynald and Hermeline decided to take an empty room and I kinda ran in on them...yeah, you know. Hopefully we will be back at lunchtime...I´ll leave a note for the others, in any case. Strange, isn´t it? Just when so many rockets are shot into the sky, we are going as well to the adventure of a lifetime!! Wish us luck, everybody down there on Earth. We are off into the final frontier, dontcha know?

-Timothy Hopkins, Reviewer

Timothy, stop it! Look, people, this is just to weird for me to comprehend, but it will probably make a good story, so I say let´s do it! Come on, people, we have a planet to save and articles to write!

-James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Rocketships with permission to go into space today:
1 Our own expedition to Foxstar
2 Captain Pancakes Marching Band Of Love, in order to film their movie "The tedious tragedy tour"
3 An experiment in spacefog, shoot people into a space anomoly and see if they develop superpowers. Has worked before.

Wait, what is that fourth one on the radar, leaving Oklahoma City at high speed? Stop it at once!!

-Edom Xavier Position, head of the experimental institute of America

Launch the rockets, all at the same spot! Off to Foxstar, off to Foxstar, pack my bags!! Ahahahhahohohohoooooooooooo....Ignore those down below, and let us go.

-Dr Vincent Ivan Wolf

When I said we would be back tomorrow, I was a tad optimistic. Turns out there are about 9000 light-years to Foxstar! That is 85149000000000000 KM! We better find some way to write some articles while helping our co-worker secure the throne. Work comes before fun, after all!

Well, at least we should be able to get firsthand information on what Foxstar is like. Fred (the alien wolf dragging us on this trip) tells us that while it is indeed covered mostly with snow, there are mountains sticking up over the clouds on which people live. The planet has a great music industry and is known to a great deal of planets in the universe.

As such, I have reviewed the big book of quotes found on this ship and found it to be excellent, although most of the quoted people aren´t actually from Earth...

-James Reginald Svensson, Editor

Today, as it is religion tolerance day, we shall discuss the belief of The World Church. Our highest god is called TheIam, and she is the sum of human imagination. Her son Dust created the world, all stories and the titans, which the church worships. The three most important ones are Ray, Tanas and Tymor, the superego, id and ego of all souls, so to speak. James left a note saying they have gone off to space, how weird. Well, anyway. I am already late for the showing of the rocket launch on television. Please do not miss it and bless you for reading Super Power e-zine, my dearest friend.

-Billy Kurt Pilgrim, essayist

Gentlemen. Everything is going perfetly in the ship. I thank you once again for giving me this opportunity to serve my country. We are heading for the space anomaly now...readings are within tolerance. Wait...Something has gone terribly wrong. Dr Wolf has gone ballistic and is trying to take over the ship. I will evacuate everybody to the safe room and try to restrict this rogue element and discipline him, as per protocol!

Theodore Lestrade Wilson, guard

Very good, Theodore. I knew it was great to place you as guard on this ship, although you had no formal training. Dr Wolf must be stopped at once! I have contacted his colleague Stranglelove which will follow with his own ship and bring all of you back to Earth. The project will be delayed indefinitely.

-Edom Xavier Position, head of experimental institute

Can´t get me, you fat otter!

-Dr Vincent Ivan Wolf

When will this story actually be about me?

-Reynald Wolfé, prince of Foxstar

A scientific breakthrough! New species discovered! Brave adventurers discovers strange alien beings in space! A galaxy full of monsters have been found and entered today by a lone spce Yikes. We have to go through here to reach Foxstar, apparently. Hopefully we will not be eaten by anything big, scaly and smiling. There monsters seem to live on planets very near to a cluster of black holes circling a white one. Ugh, I feel unscientific just writing that, but there you go. Ibetter take some pictures so the scientific community won´t laugh at me when and if we get back alive.

-Hermeline Thompson

I HATE scary monsters!

-Reynald Wolfé

Well, it has finally come to fisticuffs. Dingo is trying to calm down Pablo and Johnny, who are once again fighting. Johnny is trying to strangle Pablo but he averted the attack by exposing Johnny to a particularly ugly vest he was wearing. Pablo, on the other hand, is trying to show Dingo´s drumsticks down Johnny’s throat, but Johnny just flew away and mocked Pablo for not having wings. They will probably kill each other one day and then we secretly have to replace them. My guitar gently weeps for these guys...I Think Pablo agrees that this trip was a mistake, but we have to get out of our contract to make three films as easily as possible. Maybe a documentary?

-Harry Geoffnet, Beetle

Yay, it’s a party! Fred opened a secret door and showed us some of the Foxstar light, and it made us dance and boogie like crazy. Imagine that I am the heir to that place! When we save the planet, I must bring some of this light back to Earth!

-Reynald Wolfé, cartoonist

Well, I have only been able to take over half of the ship, but it should be enough (that guard otter was much more skilled than I could ever anticipate, thought he was just a regular policeman). I shall dislodge this part of the ship and go on my merry way. With my loyal werewolf soldiers the magic of Foxstar will be mine! Then I shall show that upstart Stranglelove who is the best mad scientist…

-Dr Vincent Ivan Wolf

Our photographer has been diligently working to take photos of this new galaxy and its monsters and planets which we must pass to get to Foxstar, and they will be published shortly. In the meantime, you just have to do with my descriptions. I do not usually work in this “e-zine” business but the angry boss of his majesty, the crown prince of Foxstar demands that I help out. In any case, I do feel that I am the one that knows these monsters the best, having passed it once already! Well, that time I was in a hyper-sleep with a force field around the ship which has now been used up for energy-saving and dramatic purposes. In any case, let´s just start the analysis! On the mysterious light-eating planet you can see on picture A8 (well, you cannot see it since it reflects no light) there lives a fierce creature known as the great vacuum snake. This fierce creature regularly scoops up people from the planet of the white eye, the only planet with intelligent life in this galaxy. In picture 66N you can (actually) see a great planet with a curved hole in it. In that hole lands meteor from a the white hole in the middle of the galaxy and it provides nourishment for the monsters living in this galaxy. Finally, on picture EX667 we have the planet where Glass Rains Sideways at 4,000 mph (that is a real planet, by the way!).

-Fred, Foxstar denizen

Well, Takeshi helped me, Scrivens and Angie sneak aboard that P.U.N ship in order to save the rest of the e-zine. If the great Dust, teller and listener of all stories, wills it we will save our friends and get back in time for lunch tomorrow. Actually, the ship blasted off a few days ago, but since we are unaccustomed to leaving the atmosphere we sort of fainted. Seems like the ship has been taken over by some mad scientist type (as they do). Well, half of it anyway…

-Billy Kurt Pilgrim, writer and priest