tisdag 31 mars 2015

Tymor ruins a trip to the cat-walk (in character TF2-item showcase)

Welcome to this first and probably only showcase of rabbit-related Team Fortress 2 items. Although most of them is Halloween only items, and the last one mainly used by small kids with stolen credit-cards, we hope this can inspire you into having a more baller-bunny TF2 experience!

The Rogue's Brogues are suitable for those that seek to experience the feeling of having huge freaky rabbit feet. Remember that old parody picture of everybody in Team Fortress dressed up as a clown, mocking the more outlandish hats that were released ages ago? Well, now Spy really has a full clown-suit. Who is with me for a mass jumping of ship as soon as Overwatch is realesed? 
Max´s Severed Head is the severed head of well, Max from the Sam and Max games. Sam and Max is originally based on a fairly violent comic that is long out of print and hard to get hold of. In the more family-friendly adaptions its always weird how the main characters are total sociopaths but never ever shown indulging in the violence and debauchery they so obviously crave. The mercenaries of Team Fortress 2 has no such qualms and has gladly shaved off Max´s head to wear as a trophy. Paint it pink and use the machina to bodyshoot people and taunt for maximum douchebaggery.
Gaze upon the majesty of the Horrific Head of Hare. This hare hat is where it´s at! Wear and everybody will comment on how creepy you look. You will instantly become the center of the party and the talk of Teufort town! Wear this with the bunny boots and a bag full of money for maximum swag! otherwise just wear this if you are a furry or just a big fan of hotline Miami!

The Terrier Trousers (okay, these are really dog paws meant to wear with the Hound's Hood, but the Hound's Hood is terrible) will make people kill you in order to get one of your lucky paws, but you´ll be able to outrun them. All of cp_gravelpit will be your enemy, Scout with a thousand sidearms, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you (cause of your small health-pool). But first they must CATCH you.

The Rogue's Rabbit is a delightful little number that will make you look like quite a magician. I hate magicians! This hat is actually not meant to look like that at all. Originally it was just a normal top hat crafted in Ōkunoshima the city of Takehara, Hiroshima Prefecture in Japan. This little guy or gal will be your look-out and quickly alert you to danger. Remember to feed it lettuce and berries a regular intervals and don´t mind if the hat wobbles; it is probably just you head getting humped. 

tisdag 3 mars 2015

Excerpt from Jackalopes


The following passage from my story Jackalopes takes place after the heroine, Jane, has entered the city of memories in order to find out just how she died and got into the underworld...
It has not yet been edited. As such, there may be spelling/grammar and continuity mistakes. Enjoy!


Jane was taken back many years, thousands of years to moments just before her death. Her eyes closed just before seeing the scene, a park in a busy city. Behind her was some sort of elevated look-out platform, no stairs in sight. From the other side her manager came running, panicked as usual. This was her last living memory...

It took Jane a good while to realize that she was indeed sentient again. For a the last hour she had simply listened to the noise coming from above her, but now she realized that the noise was speech and that they were talking about her.
“And now, we open up the path to the underground road…” somebody said.
“May her path be easy and may it lead to Tymor!”
The next thing Jane realized was that she could not move. She was locked in the darkness and could not move a finger. She tried to scream for help, but the blackness engulfing her was pushing against every fiber of her body. Just as it felt like she was suffocating and drifting away into nothingness, Jane felt the ground rumble and give away. She was swirling down a vortex of rushing sounds, tossed like a ragdoll in the fierce wind. Suddenly, all was still and Jane found herself lying down on something soft and velvety.
Jane was sleeping in darkness for many years. The air around her was empty but cold and refreshing, and she did not have to think or feel about anything in particular. The only thing that bothered her was some sort of insistent buzzing that kept appearing more and more frequently. Finally Jane felt that she had to wake up and get rid of that stupid bug or whatever it was that kept bothering her.

Jane fumbled in the darkness and found a wooden door. Opening it Jane found herself standing in a long dark hallway which curved into a sidewalk at an impossible angle. The corridor was mostly empty, but Jane could not help noticing rusty beams and chains smeared with dried blood. These things were always located near some sort of window, but they were bolted down and impossible to open. How had Jane arrived at this strange place!? No matter how hard she thought about it, she could not remember anything except practicing for the high-jump contest and then walking in the nearby park…

“Hello, is there anybody there!?” she called out.
“I was wondering...if anybody...could, maybe
Jane was not only becoming afraid, but also close to panicking. There was no natural explanation for her to be here or indeed, for the corridor to bend that way. Jane tried to go back to where she had come from, but the corridor ended with a brick wall. The wooden door she had previously simply lead into some kind of dark labyrinth with dark an terrifying shadows. They seemed to be moving and whatever was inside them was chanting ominously with a tiny oppressive voice.
On the wall was painted a giant mask an unnaturally wide grin, which Jane was afraid to get close to. When the mask began to chuckle, Jane turned and ran the other way. Near the corner where the corridor began to curve Jane saw several weird things.
This was her memories of being dead...
First and foremost, there was a crack in the ceiling, exposing the outside of the corridor. Jane tried to get a good look, but all she could she was a vast expense of white, which blinded her in the dark corridor in which she was trapped. There was also a mirror closed to the crack, but a red piece of cloth was obscuring Jane´s face. Just outside the crack was a great red eye, under which rested a single white tooth. Recoiling in fear when Jane realized what she saw, Jane took some time to understand what this being was telling her.
“Are you going to linger here forever?” it said to her.
The voice was harsh and shrieking, without pity or mercy. Jane trembled, her heart beating faster and faster and filling up to the brim with a great dread, but finally managed to ask where she was.
“This is nowhere, quite simply.” the being said.
“And I am no one, and nothing.”
“No one and nothing...” Jane repeated for lack of anything better to do.
“No one and nothing...”

Jane did not understand. However, the cloth fell of the mirror and Jane immediately saw why the corridor had appeared so crooked to her. Her neck was bent to the side, hanging limply of the side of her head.
This totally destroyed Jane, who broke down on the ground and began to cry fiercely.
All the while, the being on the other side of tried to gnaw through the crack with its single tooth. Jane got on her feet and ran as the wall crumbled and the corridor was filled with light. There were nowhere to run, and the tooth gnawed at her neck…

Jane awoke with a great pain in her neck. An old woman wearing a cloak was bent over her, cradling her head in her hands. Her head seemed to be on all right now, but it still hurt a lot.
“Stop turning your head; it needs time to heal!” the woman said sternly.
“Thank you” Jane said, relieved at seeing another living (?) person in this strange place.
“Where am I?”
“You are in the borderworld of Xibalba, between the world of the living and the dead. This is the dream cave, where all dreams are made. It is here that shamans and prophets journey to find out more about their deities and their realms...It is here they meet.”
“Does that mean there is a small chance of me becoming alive again?” Jane asked the crouched figure.
“None whatsoever.” the figure said simply.
“And the sooner you accept this, the easier it will be for you. You should not be here; most souls awake in the underworld and not the borderlands...No matter, these things happen and I will get you to your appointment with eternity in a moment...then you can begin your long walk...”
“Wait, you haven´t told me your name!” Jane said, scared of being left alone again.
“I am one of the two who are dreaming” the person who had healed her said.
“Now, let us go...”

The dream cave was full of pictures, some nice but most of them quite eerie. Short dark figures wearing cloaks scuttled in and out of the chambers thirty-two doors, and stairs where leading up and down to places unknown. Nobody reacted to Jane, and she was told to wait. They were carrying boxes and urns labeled with strange symbols. Desperately trying to keep her mind occupied, she looked at the etchings covering the walls, floors and ceilings. Jane particularly remembered a series of picture with a group of rabbits on a field crying, their face being stretched unnaturally by their sorrow. The second picture was destroyed, but the last picture showed the field again, empty. However, the grey picture had been painted with several streaks of blood.

Finally someone came for her. At first Jane thought it was the same woman who had tended to her neck, but this one looked a bit older.
“We will take you to the underworld now” the old woman simply said.
“The fastest road is through the canals of the dream snake, from where all resources needed to produce dreams are formed. Let us go now...”

The elders strongly urged her not to look out and continue on her way, but Jane´s curiosity was piqued. But one of the twin sisters took her to the top of the dream cave and bade her look out of the window, the only window to the outside world found in the cavern of dreams. First Jane thought that the window was simply dirty, but on closer inspection she found it to be images in a storm. They were tumbling and blowing around so hard that the dirty dead ground had several holes and even valleys dug up in it. In the middle of everything a great rainbow dug through the borderworld and the images of dreams. The rainbow had eyes, and a forked tongue...These images, which dreams were made of and perfected in the delirious fumes under the cave of dreams ranged from undermined rowboats to mincemeat nutrition, overkills, innovations, noontide and chemosynthesis. It continued showing all the things that this world and the imagination of humanity contains, such as reproduced benzene all the way expresso, transcendent cousins, synthesis shops, graters, Thor, submarine, scrawls, firehouses, pacifier, honeyed comeback, nightless contradictions, misfeasance expressively swaggering, buffalos and insufferable plasmodium (among other things).

Jane could see some of the elders collect things to make dreams out of, things such as compilations all the way to nonexistentialism, dog cocks, overlanders, nonsatiation, pylons, autonomic approved stockings, water dispensors, giant letters in the shape of the word yeah, ordained declared spectators, cinematographic flies and turgid robots. Somethings appeared from far away, things like excessive Fredericksburgs to frothy whippersnappersl liquids, palaeoclimatologist, reputations, overelegance dripping with bodily fluids and flamboyant dehydrogenated killing syringe scissor-boots.
Some things were disappearing from out of sight, things that were very strange indeed, things such as abnormal caninis made out of diarrhea. There were also things like angelic loincloths, muticous forgetfulness, chivalrously dancing dolls, foregone fire and all sorts of other things like that. Naming them all would be impossible and great waste of time, so let us stop for now and return to the important things Jane saw.

Jane was standing in front of a door that opened to a black void. About a kilometer down there was some sort of greenish-yellow energy field.
“Hit that and you will be in the underworld” one of the sisters said.
“Make sure you do not miss it, because if you do you will fall into the void forever!” the other warned.
“Geez, girls, you make it sound so easy...” Jane muttered, more to herself than anybody else.
“I really don´t have a choice though, have I?”
“No” the two sisters said in unison.
“Now jump!” the younger sister said, and that was that.

Before jumping into the outer darkness and proceeding to the first pylon of Tymor, Jane could not help but notice two other cave entrances going downwards. Asking where these two roads led, as she wanted to put off the jump as long as possible, she was told that they housed two great treasures.
“These two treasures, the shield and armlets are what allow us to shape dreams and protect us from the nightmares The Goon weaves.” the elder sister explained.
“It was made eons ago by a great blacksmith called Prometheus, a man of great foresight and mastery of the metals and the earth.”
Jane was once again very surprised. Her father had many times told her about The Goon, a sort of rabbit boogeyman that would eat naughty rabbit children if they did not behave. Of course, her father had never pretended that it was nothing but a story, but it appeared to be real, which sent shivers down her spine. And above it all Jane could just make out the warped form of the…thing that had chased her in the corridor of darkness just after her death. It was just floating all over the sky, from horizon to horizon.
The big difference was that this time it had its horrible black maw open, sucking the images into it (explaining why the dreams in one era is not the same as in other one). The mouth of the beast had rows and rows of teeth, each one set in a smaller and smaller circle in the mouth of the beast itself. Jane fell back and wished that she had not looked.
“What in the world IS that terrible creature!?” she asked the elder.
“That is Az, the one in-between planes of existences.” The elder responded.
“Only a few can see all of it without losing their minds, and it is a punishment more severe than Hell to be eaten by it. This punishment was forbidden by the gods as the laws were given in the beginning of time itself, as opening portals to it allowed a bit of its essence to slip through. Eventually it would eat everything...”

Jane recognized the word Az. It was an ancient rabbit word meaning void, but this true translation had difficulty conveying the fear and dread inherit in the word. Jane´s grandmother had told her that when the gods were born, space was full of noise and goodness, but now Az had been eating most of it before being sealed away between dimensions. Jane wondered if this was true…Realizing that it was now or never, Jane took a deep breathand jumped into the void. She screamed as loud as she could, but the whistling air drowned it out. The green took her mind and body for its own and she was dead, taken by the underworld... 

Read Jackalopes here:
https://www.wattpad.com/126934443-jackalopes-the-paradise-of-tymor
Read my main blog (including my other projects):
http://atspela.blogspot.com/

lördag 4 oktober 2014

Jackalopes almost finished!

The first jackalope is almost finished! Well I say finished, but there are still quite a bit of artwork and editing to do, but the three hundred pages I am aiming for are more or less done. You may wonder how this is possible, with only five chapter on this webpage? Well, that is because I recently figured out a new plot-twist, vastly better than the one I originally had planned. This means that much of the old chapters have to be rewritten. But do not worry, for the entire thing will eventually be available free of charge on my website, just as promised.
After writing jackalopes for so long the word "pylon" has almost ceased to lose all meaning, so I thought it would be good for both you and me to relearn about the Egyptian mythology that inspired me to write this story. My initial aim was two-fold; to create a story with almost only female characters (or at least females in the majority) and to create an afterlife that was as depressing as possible. Not that the Egyptian afterlife is that depressing, but it DOES feature a walk among the untold dangers of chaos (and that is before you even get to the final judgment). If you had not memorized (or better yet, were buried with) the proper steps and spells to make it through the underworld you were pretty much fucked. The worst to an ancient Egyptian was the cessation of existence, even the bleak underworld or eternal torture were preferable to that. A central image were the pylons of the underworld which in my story are reimagined as safe havens for wayward souls.

An Egyptian pylon, with two main columns and a central entrance. Notice the road of pillars that precede it. 
A layout of an Egyptian tempel, the small collections of rooms in the upper part of the picture was said to house the god of the temple and was used for various rituals. The big room down below was like an antechamber of sorts, and the only part accessable to people that were not priests.

The inside of one of the inner temple rooms. What at first glance appears to a bench in the back of the room is actually used for some kind of offering.

 While writing this story I also wanted to insert some Christian elements. It is my intention that the jackalopes, souls that return to the underworld from heaven to help the shades reach paradise, is a symbol for those that are already saved and work diligently to preach the gospel! What then, does rabbits have to do with this. Why Jackalopes? Well actually, although not many people know it. Egyptians did have a desert hare goddess called Wenet, who was the goddess of the life-force and an assistant of Thoth, the god of writing. Rabbits, although in most medieval writings being portrayed as evil or cowardly has also been a symbol of the holy trinity!

One example is this symbol with three hares sharing Three ears, is found mainly in Southern Great Britain.
The symbol of rabbits as the small and helpless being a strong multitude is very alluring to me. And naturally, the idea of animal-people works quite well with Egyptian gods, and prevents the controversy the use of humans may cause.      

As for only trying to wrote female characters, I decided to do it because I am a social justice warrior, to create something original, so it is purely for "selfish reasons". It has gone better than I could ever anticipate, with only three out of about fifteen reoccurring characters being males. Main character Jane has grown from a somewhat bland viewpoint character to a person with her own set of skills and desires. As for other characters, at present Urminora and Jessica, along with Martha and Scrivens, seems to be the most popular. Least popular seems to be Gallinega and The Wright Lady.
Urminora I am very happy about, as she is my try at writing a stereotypical Russian characters in the same vein as Heavy Weapons Guy or Soda Popinski, only female. Jessica started out as a Captain America deconstruction, and an assistant to Urminora without that much to do. She, like Jane, has grown into her own character in a very dynamic way. She was the one that changed the most from my initial interpretation of the character. Martha and Scrivens are likewise characters close to my heart. Martha is actually recycled from an old comic-script of mine and Scrivens is from my last book, Digging Forth Today.
Finally, Gallinega and The Wright Lady were cool concepts, but did not see much use. Gallinega was my try at creating a mute character who fought with primitive weapons and were essentially a cavewoman. Perhaps I did not see much use for her in the story. Finally, The Wright Lady was sort of be a Moomin-style Hobgoblin (the rather hilariously bad translation for the character originally called Trollkarlen in Swedish) out of context character that pretty much clashes with everything else in the book. She was meant for a small role anyway, but as it is now she is nothing more than a cameo.

A rabbit (or more accurately, a desert hare) hieroglyph

The Ankh is another ancient Egyptian symbol that wanted to incorporate. In my story it is reinterpated (somewhat) as a set of keys which also ties into the Christian St Peter symbolism. Since the ankh symbol was somewhat preserved into the Coptic cross (although to my research this is somewhat debatle) it feels very appropriate.  The biggest change is a whole new chapter that takes place in the rabbit paradise of Tymor, before Jane becomes a jackalopes, in order to properly get a feel for what Jane is giving up for the sake of others and to make a parallel between the underworld and paradise. The paradise in jackalopes shouldn´t be mistaken for the Christian concept of heaven, being more like an earthly paradise mentioned in several religions.

                                       
A rabbit spirit in the underworld, holding scissors. Picture is from a funeral payrus

tisdag 5 augusti 2014

A bit from a future chapter of Jackalopes (unedited)

Flying along in this balloon was much more comfortable than walking, but it was very cramped and Jane soon grew very restless. It would have been fine if she was with Jessica, Urminora or even Martha or Scrivens because then they could talk about things and hopefully find time fly by quite fast but Annabella did nothing but study her instruments, study the scenery below and sometimes ask Jane to hold something for her while she did so. Crawling down below some crates to rest, Jane picked up a fallen book and leafed through it, trying to find something to pass the time with, even if it was just more of Annabelle´s technical gibberish.

Personal log of Annabelle the elephant Screw it, its a diary &%/%/¤ I´m a girl I don´t have to call it a personal log!

I think I may have already found out the source of the recent troubles. Those idiots back at pylons one and two thought it was demons, but thanks to that new jackalope gals (Why can´t they send more of their troops over here FFS it sure would help out a lot in situations like this) and her superior eyesight we have managed to locate the source. Turns out that my spyglass magnified it even further so that she can see the fourth pylon, even if it appears to give her a headache. I like her, she is not as full of herself as some of those other jackalopes NO I AM NOT GOING TO LIKE ANY OF THEM UNTIL THEY STOP HOGGING ALL THE RESOURCES.

Well, anyway, the problem appears to be one of the guardians of the pylon itself. Now, I cannot say for sure what have happened, but it seems that the top of the forth pylon has been knocked down and replaced with a gigantic statue of some kind. The pylon is full of demons and the surrounding area filled with shades that have been driven out into the wilderness. Seems like someone is getting to big for her or his britches...Yeah, this is why I /(%¤% HATE those jackalopes sometimes. Give them some of the power of that Silvercrowned One and suddenly they think they can take over and do whatever they please! HA! That is where people like me come in, cleaning up the rabbit droppings the jackalope spread all around the underworld!

Guess I shouldn´t complain too much, though GEEZ what is with my sentimentality today!? I have made a good home for myself in the third pylon and my Life, such as it is, is quite interesting. Much more so than my boring and pampered life back in India, that much is certain. But I do miss the old country sometimes...at least it was sunny there.

Well, Jane was in deep shit now. She hadn´t meant to read Annabelle´s diary!
"Jane, we are almost at the pylon!" Annabelle called out, making Jane almost jump out of the balloon in fright.
"Jane! What are you doing down there?"
"Er...um" Jane responded while lying down, hiding the book from sight.
"I was just trying to take a cat-nap, trying to get all rested up for the battle, you know?"
"You are weird" Annabella smiled and disappeared behind the crates to Jane´s great relief.
"Anyway, we will land over by those rocks so that whoever has taken over the pylons will not see us...Stay on your toes, we are talking about someone that can command the demons and such a person is not to be trifled with!"

lördag 10 maj 2014

Tymor ruins Team Fortress characters PT 2

Administrator
 
This cranky old lady issues order to both the RED and BLU team. She is hateful, uncaring and only cares for money and spreading conflict. Her company, TF industries, have made a lot of money from both RED, BLU and MANN CO and she has therefore made it her job to stall the conflict as long as possible. When a certain god-bunny arrives on the battlefield she pours all of her research into finding a way to kill a god…
 
Ms Pauling
The Administrators long-suffering secretary, and one of the few Team Fortress characters who have a proper name. Her job is to deal with the teams personally, and kill everyone that knows too much about what is going on behind the scenes. At present, though, she is somewhat preoccupied with watching videotapes of Tymor and Permeter, trying to find out a weakness.
 
Civilian
An old acquaintance of the Administrator, and expert paper pusher. He had hoped for a quit retirement, but has recently been roped into the whole RED VS BLU war after people have been randomly disappearing. His love for the Administrator is wholly recruited, but he follows her like a loyal puppy regardless.
 
Merasmus
An old magician that has recently been scouted by Ms Pauling to kill Tymor. Knowing quite a lot about eldritch business, he recognizes Tymor as the titan of death. This does not discourage him, however, as he has evaded death since thousands of years. His only weakness is that he does not know that many battle spells, but a few spell books all should be alright. Due to inconsistent writing, he lives both in a great castle on the Scottish moors, in the new Mexico desert and in apartment with one or both of the Soldiers.
Bombinomicon?
A book that Merasmus brought to learn more about bomb-spells, but it does nothing but mumble ominously and sprout blasphemies.
Saxton Hale
Some guy that sells weapons to the Administrator to give to the RED and BLU team. Think chuck Norris but even more unfunny. And Australian.
The Mann Brothers
The owners of RED and BLU team, fighting over their father’s inheritance. Even in death, they fought until they were both banished to hell last Halloween. There, they were punished by their father telling them how much he dislikes them, over and over. They also have a third brother who tries to take over the world with robots. Despite being over a hundred years old, the last brother has somehow managed to have reproduce.  
P.U.N and P.U.N.E
Two shadowy organizations that controls the entire world. The base of P.U.N is located in America and P.U.N.E somewhere in Russia. P.U.N controls the BLU team and organizes attacks, and P.U.N.E controls RED and organizes defense. Nobody knows the origin of these two organization, but mentions of the top members can be traced back to thousands of year, and Merasmus seems to be a former member…
(the acronyms stands for Properly united nations and properly unified national emergence, respectively)
Shrek
The only thing Tymor is said to fear.

onsdag 30 april 2014

A small amount of world-building, taken from the Super Power App

Article Number, 3906520140
Database 7545 (P.U.N.E)


All the titans have their manner of followers, Tymor has the rabbits and Remagín the lions (just to take two examples), so what about their mutual father Dust? He does indeed have his own people, his helpers in his kingdom of Tomake, but they are fallen and not at all as powerful as they once were. They are the Fans.

They were originally the men in Burnt Umber, sent all over the imagined realm to see to it that Dust´s stories were followed to the letter. They fell after a great war about reasons unknown (although it is called the schism by those of themselves that are till interested in such things).

After their fall, they were divided into Fanboys and Fangirls. The Fangirls believe in influencing the world through the love of the inhabitants, while the Fanboys desire balance over all things, even happiness. All wars must be equal, all conflicts solved through equal weaponry and stalemates.

That said, they are not above picking favorites, forgetting their own mission. The leader of the Fangirls is called Isthar of war and sex and the leader of the fanboys is called the Red Don, god of canon. They are all over the world, hidden and unable to reproduce. What if they remembered their purpose? What if the remembered what they truly are? In that case, the world would be given in to fate, the fate that Dust has decided with no chance to escape. Do we want to live in such a world? Hmm, maybe not.

Therefore, maybe we should be grateful that are imagination is not ruled by Dust the almighty, that we have free will and that our thoughts can wander as they please. Although not perfects, they are precious in themselves. Well, that is not a though that we must entertain right now... 

However, these creatures have left many powerful and reality-altering devices on many worlds throughout the cosmos. The most powerful of them are, in order, the plot-twister, the plot-holer, the plot coupon manufacturer, the plot derailer and the plot threader. Some of the Fanboys are openly hostile and hateful to humans and other sentient beings, like the witch known as Sue.

What these creatures achieved when they were still known as The Men In Burnt Umber is unknown, and some of these things may remain somewhere... not their weapons listed above, but great cities and libraries housing even bigger secrets!!! Just thing about that, all that ancient secrets…

The fall of the old civilizations and tribes, the first intelligent one in the world, mind you into Fanboys and Fangirls...what brought it on? Nothing short of a calamity such as the world had ever seen, nor will be seen again!

EDIT: Most of these beings are shattered all over the Worlds, with most of the Fangirls living in the great labyrinth near the warp-zone to Foxstar. The males are known to inhabit the Airlands of Vetro, specifically the lower depths of the great library of red magic. Only two are known to inhabit Earth, and are simply known as Fangirl and Fanboy. Fanboy works as a double agent for both P.U.N and P.U.N.E, and sees to it that their conflict can never be won or ended. Fangirl lives her life in America as a lowly criminal.

Subject: RE: An article about the remains of The Men In Burnt Umber
Date: Sun, 27 Apr N-1968 12:03:01 +0200
Ludwig Hog, historian (archived)